7 Therapist Backed Ways to Manage Anger That Actually Help

“I saw red.”, “I blew a fuse”,  “It made my blood boil”. These are some common phrases we use when talking about anger. They don’t sound very pleasing, do they? Anger is one of the most basic human emotions, as simple as happiness, sadness and anxiety. All of these emotions are essential for survival and have evolved over the years.

 Anger is related to “fight, flight or freeze” response; it prepares us to fight. Though fighting doesn’t necessarily mean throwing punches, it motivates us to fight for ourselves against injustice. Of course, expressing anger even on small things or frequently might harm relationships or your own physical health in the long run. It has been seen that chronic release of anger-related stress hormones can kill neurons in parts of the brain connected with judgment and short-term memory, as well as impair the immune system.

So, if you suffer from chronic anger or experience a sudden outburst, you can benefit from learning a way or two to keep your anger in check. 

Recognizing the signs of anger

Anger is a necessary response but becomes an issue when it becomes difficult to control. Studies (Staicu, n.d.) have found that anger can affect your mental as well as your physical health. It can very quickly escalate to violence, harming you and those around you. Here are some signs you can look for- 

• Physical Symptoms: Anger affects various parts of your body, including your brain, heart, and muscles. A study (Herrero, 2010) found that excessive anger can result in an increase in testosterone and a decrease in cortisol. The physical signs of anger issues include increased blood pressure, heart rate and muscle tension. 

• Emotional Symptoms: You may experience irritability, frustration, stress, rage, anxiety or guilt before, during or after an outburst. Smallest of triggers might feel magnified. 

• Aggressive or violent responses: The very first sign that you might have an anger issue is if you find yourself getting verbally or physically aggressive towards others. You might feel an urge to respond with violence. This type of aggressive response is harmful and troublesome, and it can lead to you becoming separated from those around you. 

• A low tolerance: You might notice that recently, you have an even lower tolerance for mistakes or smallest disagreements can drive you to an edge. Slight triggers can show up anywhere, from road rage to someone making a harmless joke, so if you’re sensitive to these issues, you’ll probably find yourself furious a lot of the time.

• Self-harm behaviors: If you find yourself internalizing your feelings, shutting down when people try to speak to you, and punishing yourself by denying yourself happiness or basic needs like food, this could be the sign that you have unresolved internal anger issues that you target at yourself. 

Recognizing the warning signs of anger is the first step towards getting better. It gives you a moment to think, put yourself and your thoughts together before you act. Without taking the right steps, anger issues can severely affect your relationships with others and yourself. The admittance helps you create a strategy to cope with it. 

Therapist backed ways to manage anger

1. What is really behind your anger? : People with anger issues often get all worked up over something silly. They get into big arguments over small things. If you feel yourself getting agitated over something seemingly small, ask yourself, “What am I really mad about?”. Identifying the real source of your anger will help you improve the way you express your emotions and feelings. 

2. Be mindful of your anger signs:  You may take action to control your anger before it spirals out of control by learning to recognize your own personal signs that your temper is about to explode.

3. Identify your triggers: Try to recognize the pattern. Ask yourself, “What are the things making me angry?” Take a close look at your daily routine, what are the activities, events, people or places that trigger your anger. 

4. Learn calm down techniques: There are many techniques that can help you cool down and keep your anger in check: 

• Count down- Whenever you feel like you’re on the edge, countdown from 10, if you’re really mad, try 100.
• Take a walk- Exercise can help you calm your nerves and reduce your anger. 
• Repeat a mantra- Find a phrase that calms you down like, “It’ll be okay.” and repeat it until you calm down. 
• Listen to some music- Let music take away your feelings for some time. Crank up your favorite song and hum away your anger. 
• Write down your feelings- Sometimes there are things that you want to say but can’t, so write them down in a journal. It’ll give your anger a way out without hurting yourself or anyone else.

5. Reality check: Ask yourself important questions like- 

• Is this worth getting upset over?
• Do I want this to affect the rest of my day?
• Am I reacting in a way that fits the situation?
• Is there something I can actually do to change this?
• Is taking action the best use of my time?

6. Find healthier ways to reflect your anger: If you’ve determined that the situation is worth being upset about and that there’s something you can do to remedy it, the goal is to express your emotions in a way that doesn’t harm you or your relationships.

7. Recognize if you need anger management classes: If you’ve tried these anger management tactics and your anger is still out of control—especially if it’s causing conflicts, legal difficulty, or injury to others—it’s time to get professional help. Therapy or anger management classes might offer advice and tactics to help you recover control.                             

Conclusion

Anger management is not about never feeling angry, rather it helps you feel and regulate your anger in a healthy manner. One obvious benefit of learning to manage anger is to improve your interpersonal relationships. People who can control their anger, can communicate effectively. Anger management doesn’t only affect your relationship with other people; it helps you gain a positive mindset towards yourself as well. Unmanaged anger can lead to resentment and guilt.  affects your physical as well as mental health and hence, learning to manage it can help you improve both.